FNN, Noida : An unemployed software engineer allegedly attempted suicide near Mattrix Mall on Friday. The attempt encountered a grave failure due to technical faults and the victim has been hospitalized with minor injuries.
Noida police said Nithin Peterson, 42, a resident of Greater Noida, had turned a pauper after getting addicted to social networking sites, particularly Facebook and Twitter.
He was also fired from his well paid job in a major IT company (Yes, they paid me not to mention them) as they deemed him highly unproductive due to this addiction. But being fired from the job worsened his addiction as he found more unproductive time to spend even more unproductively on these sites.
“But soon I got bored with this and that was the time when the KRK’s official page on Facebook appeared like a messiah form the great depths of internet to save me from boredom. And then I managed to discover his handle on Twitter too. I used to read abusive comments on his post and tweets all day long and gradually I also started commenting,” Nithin told FN reporter in a sober tone.
According to his room-mate, an unexpected plot-twist took place when KRK discovered that abusers can be blocked! Nithin was shocked and he ran over to his laptop delete his comments. But thanks to BSNL broadband, by it took him 15 minutes log in and by that time it was too late. He was already blocked.
To know further about the incident, FN reached his girlfriend. “Getting blocked had thrown him into a sea of depression. And then, I suggested him to go and watch a good comedy movie,” she explained.
As luck would have it, he stumbled upon Paajid Khan’s KumAkals while searching for movies with genere ‘comedy’ and spent all of his next day downloading it. And finally after watching it he made the grave decision. (Courtesy: Browsing history on his laptop)
“I had no idea what to do with my life. And then I decided to end it”, says Nithin as he gulps pomegranate juice which some friend had bought for him,” I made all the calculations on my mobile-phone, climbed up the second story floor of the shopping mall, and jumped exactly as per the plan to plunge myself onto the nozzle of the central fountain”. And then, he blames his Chinese mobile phone for not performing the calculations properly due to which he ended up landing in water .
“We have diverted a special force to investigate this case and to find and arrest all those who are involved in this”, the police said.
[UPDATE 2] In response to the above news, an investigation by Ministry of HRD has led to identification of lakhs of unemployed youth abusing KRK on Facebook and Twitter. In an official statement by Ministry of HRD, they promised to take immediate measures by rolling out a new plan to ensure employment for such people.
[UPDATE 2] After getting to know about this KRK arranged a press conference in which he was quoted saying, “Doson, Aaaj mai aap ko baunga iss suicide case be baare me. Az far Az I know, too many peoples over the internet are trying to defame this super istaar beri much and I can not keep kuwait. Not only this person, I bhill continue to block all 2 rupees peoples on the Internet. And if I said so I will definitely do so be cowz KRK said it.”
[UPDATE 3] As the blocking of abusers continue, the number of Facebook users have drastically reduced over the past 24 hours and sources claim that Zuck would be personally coming to India to apologize to KRK on behalf of Facebook users while pleading to stop this.
More updates awaited.