Monday, 19th March, 2018

Salim-Javed reunite for scripting mother of all Bollywood movies - "Saheli ki Paheli"

03, Jun 2014 By Goparaju V. Ramesh

Our reporter (the new recruitee – enjoyinggvr) has got very reliable information that Salim Khan and Javed Akhtar, the once famed writer-duo, who had been instrumental in churning out scripts left, right and centre for block-buster after block-buster, during the rotten, err! golden era of Hindi cinema, for almost three decades since 70s, before they got separated, have not only decided to bury their hatchet, but also started working together again for one last time to script the grandest movie ever made in Bollywood before burying their script-writing-pens for eternity.  (They still use pens, instead of key-boards for it is easier to write than to type using the QWERTY key-board the English-transliterations of complex Urdu-phrases, that Javed, Salim saabs just cannot do away with).

Salim Javed
Salim Javed

The working title of the movie is “Saheli ki Paheli”.

They are so sure of its splendid success that they plan to go to Hollywood too with this script. That’s why they decided to have their hand-written script be translated into English. They want to have it subsequently sent to Steven Spielberg through their good friends Amitabh/Anil Ambani.

As a result, they hired the English-language scholar Shashi Tharoor for translating it into English. They thought, with a sound reason, that his Pakistani fan-following would be an added advantage for this project.

Another high point is that they are trying to pull off one of the most miraculous casting coups known to Bollywood. They are very much hopeful of getting Shahrukh & Salman on board for this movie. A reliable source informed that Salman has agreed to Salim saab’s proposal on the condition that Salim saab should not pester him about his marrige plans anymore. As far as Shahrukh is concerned, they would put the agreement papers in the hands of a fan of Kolkata Knight Riders so that Shahrukh puts his autograph on it.

As part of the glorious investigative journalistic tradition of sorts, our reporter disguised himself as a Muslim Qazi, à la Rishi Kapoor did in ‘Amar Akbar Anthony’,  to gain entry into Javed Akhtar’s bungalow in Mumbai to surreptitiously catch hold of any material related to the movie.

He found a printed paper on the coffee table, containing, purportedly, Shashi Tharoor’s translation of an important scene written by them for the movie. His disguise worked, it seems, for he could correctly guess that Javed Saab never watched movies scripted by Kader Khan. He and Salim Khan might not have found enough time to watch Indian movies, for they must have always been busy watching English movies, like “Magnificent seven”, “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid”, etc.

All about the scene:

/* Start */

Movie: Saheli ki Paheli

Scene Title: Revelation to older Shabanaji about Lakshmiji’s whereabouts through TV news clipping.

Scene rating: ***** (Five-star) (top-most)

Characters in the scene: Shabanaji (Kirron Kher), Salman Khan (Salman Khan), Rahul Singh Rathore (Shahrukh Khan), Lakshmi Rathore (Shabana Azmi)


While eating ‘Roti’ from the hand of Shabanaji in a posh bungalow in Islamabad, Salman Khan – the valiant Pakistani army officer – accidentally and unintentionally watched in TV the flamboyant Rahul Singh Rathore, a very courageous Indian Air-force Pilot, accepting blessings from his mother Lakshmi Rathore after he had driven straight – parachuting directly into her lap would be the alternative. In order to make it ARTY enough to appeal to Shabana Azmi, the parachute would be shown to be made of used-blankets of slum dwellers. Shabana Azmi’s character ‘Lakshmi Rathore’ could become that, who runs an NGO, which makes such parachutes and sells to Indian Air-Force to feed the poor and needy) – from the Air-force base after completing the mission of gunning down enemy army camps in Indo-China border (Bollywood Rule: When a protagonist is a Pakistani, Pakistan should not be shown in bad light).

Shabanaji was startled looking at the visuals on TV Screen. She could not control her tears rolling down her cheeks. Lakshmiji was none other than Lachchi, her close childhood friend (Saheli: Authentic Bollywood term). She found it out based on the small black-mole on her right cheek and the odd way in which she (Lakshmi) put her left hand on his (Rahul’s) head, instead of her right hand, which is generally the accepted behaviour pattern  (Lachchi used to beat Shabbi with her left hand even though her right hand was free, whenever Shabbi pulled her hair during their child-hood pranks).  They had been separated from each other during the 1947 Partition turmoil. (It reveals as a flash-back. A secret mystery is involved in their story. That’s why it is a Paheli). Her left hand involuntarily moved, and caught hold of Salman’s wrist tightly in her fist. Salman’s strong fore-arm muscles could not stand in between the tears that fell on his arm and his heart (They pierced his muscles and moved along the bones to reach his heart. Tag: Computer Animation. Preferably 3D – Contact Mani Shankar). He felt a strange sense of emotion, and asked Shabanaji with throat-choked-with-emotions while catching hold of her hand that was holding his roti, “Kyon! Maa. Kyaa hua! Chupaanaa math mujhse. Bolon maa. Bolon. Boltee kyon nahee, Maa” (“arre! Usko bolne ka maukaa tho dho, pehle”, murmured the servant, who brought tea for Shashi Tharoor and paans for Salim and Javed.).

// Shashi Tharoor has noted down those murmurs.

/* End */

We at ‘Faking News’ are of the opinion, with a sound logic, that they came out with this script, and especially this scene, after Javed Saab read a news-item. The premise for that logical conclusion was the fact that a news-paper clipping containing following sentences was pinned to those script papers:

Mr. Narendra Modi tweeted: “Nawaz Sharief ji told me that he stays in Islamabad but goes to meet his mother once in a week. This time, when he was eating with his mother he saw visuals on TV of my mother offering me sweets. The visuals touched both Nawaz Sharief ji and his mother. He told me that after seeing the visuals, his mother got very emotional.

The reason for Salim Khan to have entered into this project could be that he has been a long-time supporter and fan of Narendra Modi even before the latter got full-nation’s attention. His admiration for Narendra Modi would be very handy in creating such scenes, which would take the main protagonist ‘Rahul Singh Rathore’ to great emotional heights.

We from ‘Faking News’ wish the team all the success in the world, both for their grand resurrection in Bollywood, and strong incursion into Hollywood.