New Delhi. As the release date of ‘Humshakals’ came closer, both state and central government were keeping a close watch on the law, order and health of its citizens . BJP government certainly didn’t want to take any chances and be accused of napping especially after what happened in the UPA-2 rule when ‘Himmatwala’ was gifted (unleashed) to its hapless countrymen.
Mental hospitals saw a record crowd and all major trauma care centers were full of people who complained of sudden shock which is normally witnessed when one sees an alien or a bhoot/chudail. It took a mammoth effort from doctors to get the country back to normalcy.
UPA 2 (like always) had failed to realize the gravity of the situation created due to the release of ‘Himmatwala’ and its subsequent mis-management was seen (though never publicly accepted) as one of the major reason for Congress rout in the recent Lok Sabha elections.
A congress spokesperson, a part time Rahul’s speech writer (not to be confused by the other part-time comedian and a RSS basher) and Arnab’s bunny spoke to Faking News on the condition of anonymity, “Rahul baba is a genius, had it not been for that movie, he would have been the PM of the country”.
He further added, “Congress would push BJP to ban this family to produce and direct movies”. Further investigations revealed that this family has the talent and the tenacity to destroy the country’s entertainment fabric and push it to the brink of such apathy and hopelessness that suddenly films like ‘Deshdrohi’ and ‘RGV Ki Aag’ appear classics.
After government efforts to persuade Bollywood legends to request this family to stop making films failed, it came up with this genius idea.
“Param Vir Chakra is nation’s highest military honor and is given to soldiers who display supreme act of bravery and sacrifice. To continue making such class of films like ‘Joker’, ‘Himmatwaala’, ‘Humshakals’ and to be excited about its release is nothing short of a supreme act of bravery and sacrifice and hence we have decided to give Sajid Khan this rare honor”, beamed a relieved supreme court lawyer and now defense minister. Even the Army in the larger interest of society has given its nod and made this rarest of rare exceptions.
Invites have been sent to the family and it is believed that the award ceremony would be telecasted LIVE on Doordarshan as well as all Cable TV channels so that the entire country can witness this historic event. It is said that a secret (to remain classified) MOU has been signed between the family and GOI for 99 years which prohibits Sajid and family to produce or direct movies or come in TV serials and reality shows but there is one rider – they can produce and direct documentaries for Doordarshan but that too once a year (this was added after the family complained about their fundamental right of freedom of speech and expression).
Entire Bollywood erupted in jubilation after hearing this news. Sajid’s producers, distributors and exhibitors have declared this judgement as ‘Historic’. They have already made plans to go to Vaishno Devi and Shirdi as their prayers were finally heard. “Modiji ke rajya mein yeh ache dinon ki shuruvaat hai”, told one now lucky distributor of Sajid’s films.
When Faking News wanted a comment from Sajid, he said, “Yes, I made this supreme sacrifice for the people of this country and their well-being”. Her sister though seemed pissed off, “What the hell! What would my three children do now? I was hoping that they would be one step ahead of their mama Sajid, but this 99 year ban has left my entire family jobless. I give this BJP government a 2 out of 10 for their performance.”, she complained. Her superstar long haired husband was seen playing with ludo and shouting “I will edit your screen time, you Khiladi, wait and watch” before being taken inside by the family doctor.
Meanwhile Ram Kapoor who was about to quit his popular daily soap in the hope of a super hit has now begged Ekta to take her back. A certain Nawaab has now gone back to Phantom type roles and Riteish was so traumatized by the fate of the movie that he has decided enough is enough and he plans to be a villain and has vowed never to play a role of a girl again. Tammanah has decided that Tollywood is much better, Esha anyways hasn’t got any choice to decide and Bipasha, well, she had already anticipated this. She would continue to exercise, release CD’s and do one item song per year.
Sajid has already finalized a documedy (documentary comedy) and would soon discuss the script and story (WTF!) with Prasar Bharti CEO and would request him not to edit his final masterpiece before dishing it on Doordarshan. Opposition are already up in arms fearing the worse in rural India once the release date is near.