After Kim Kardashian and her husband Kanye West decided to name their daughter North West, hotel heiress Paris Hilton has decided to follow suit. The pregnant socialite has announced that her soon-to-be-born child will be named South East.
Reports said that Hilton, who has always been envious of Kardashian’s success and fame, was livid at the attention and newsprint the latter received after the couple named their daughter. Not one to be left out, Hilton decided that she would name her child something similar, no matter what the gender.
Hilton has also sent out press releases to reputed newspapers and magazines inviting them to send tenders for the price they wish to pay for Baby South East’s first pictures. It is believed that the Hilton family will analyze all the quotes received and strike a contract with the publication offering the highest sum. A Finance postgraduate has already been hired by the family to handle the expected income after the baby’s birth, and he is being groomed for the job.
“This is the first time I am seeing such big money. Though I’ve studied Finance, I’m already mind-boggled with all the figures floating around,” said Mr Smarty Pants, the young recruit. “However, I am enjoying all the attention – not to mention the eye-candy, obviously. In fact, I have opted to work out of Miss Hilton’s study, which has life-sized posters of her on all the walls. It works wonders to keep me rejuvenated all day.”
However, Hilton now has a major problem on hand – finding a man whose last name would be East. Our sources say she is not quite sure who the baby belongs to, and is now hell-bent on looking for a man whose last name will suit her baby’s name. “The man’s surname has to be ‘East’. If I am unable to find such a person in the next couple of months, I will put out a matrimonial advertisement,” said Hilton to a reporter on Monday.
The new recruit, Mr Smarty Pants, has been roped in to design the advertisement. The text, according to him, will read, “Wanted: A groom for an international socialite. Has to be tall, dark, handsome, loaded and bearing the surname ‘East’. Convent-educated and with good character, never slept with any ladies. Actually, chuck it: Just has to have the surname ‘East’. The rest is all okay with our madam.”
On making a couple of discreet inquiries, this reporter found out that Mr Smarty Pants is Indian, although he spoke with a convincing American accent. And Mr Pants has also promised our publication an ‘exclusive’ first picture of the baby, provided we transfer Rs 1 million into his Swiss account.