Mumbai, India: After her performance at the MTV video music awards and the release of her single video Wrecking Ball where she is seen licking a sledge hammer the consensus among the top Indian marriage brokers and among general Indian society seems to be that she has ruined her arranged marriage prospects.
Ritwika Kaur, aged 23 from Delhi remarked, “What is she thinking? If she wants to twerk, do it at a private farmhouse party. Where a don’t ask, don’t tell clause is in effect.”
Preeti Chandra, a professional arranged marriage broker for more than ten years was sad that Miley’s actions would have disastrous consequences. “She had so much going for her. She is very fair, very thin, and a dancer. She even knows how to cook. Her mother Trish taught her how to make Italian food, for example, baked penne, very popular with today’s modern boy.”
The new generation of Indian women were sympathetic to her inner desires and passions to dance, as well as to explore her exhibitionist tendencies.”I mean, if she wanted to show her sexy dance moves all she had to do was request a solo dance at her cousin’s sangeet ceremony. Why post it all on YouTube for the world to see?” says Kanika Merha, 29, and still looking for an eligible boy.
“A good friend would have been enough if no cousins were available. We are all modern now, and at least she could have worn some diamonds or something from Loui Vuitton. How else we would know she was rich and sexy?”
Ritesh Kumar went one step forward, “She has basically announced to the world that she is not a virgin. I mean all men say they want a virgin to marry, but we all know by the age of twenty something, and college in America that is impossible to find. Why couldn’t she just keep quiet, and tell her husband eventually. There is no way the parents would approve. Well not until they show up with grandchildren in any case.”
Miley Cyrus was not available to comment on this article. Her agent responded angrily, “Miley Cyrus is a strong independent women if men cannot appreciate that then they do not deserve her.”
Pandit R.K. Sharma has consulted the astrological charts based on publicly available information on her date and time of birth. “She has a predisposition to Nadi dosha with most of her matches, that can lead to the extreme of her partner dying early and have health problems. While she is not Manglik, prospective matches need to make sure their moons are properly aligned as not to cause them harm.”
After probing Pandit Sharma a little more he admitted, “Her patri is unique. It is a little like a weapon of mass destruction which needs a proper container. The right boy will make her prosper, but most will find themselves utterly destroyed. Beware her twerk, such women are dangerous.”
Yogesh Jain a match maker of the rich and famous had strong words for her. “It is always hard to do a public figure, because they insist on keeping their Facebook and twitter account on. Otherwise disabling their online presence to zero is the first step, we now have experts who can do this. But this girl has gone a too far, the Internet does not forgive or forget.”
He suggested that at the very least she hire a social media consultant to delete all the photos she had put of herself on the Internet. “At this point I would seriously consider a family name change, Hannah Montana with her clean cut lifestyle looks very promising right now.”
The quality of her music videos and local popularity has irked some people in the film industry. “Who does she think she is? Madonna?” remarks Sunil Aggarwal a Bollywood producer. “I have seen all of Madonna’s videos, and I can tell you this girl is not doing enough to shock. We have already seen this all before. It is cliched this is the age of Fifty Shades of Grey, being naked and licking things is not going to be enough to get you prime time. You need to work it girl, twerking is just the beginning.”
Lopsy Ahuja had the last most insightful comments. “She is young, she has time to figure out who she really is. If she is held accountable for her mistakes she can always blame in on her youth. After all, this is Miley Cyrus, she never seems to stop surprising us.”
The arranged marriage process is long and complicated. Miley Cyrus has done nothing to help in her quest for eternal happiness and bliss in the past few months. Her fans can only hope that in a few years she gathers some maturity and sense, otherwise she will be thirty, and having to consider divorcées soon. Lopsy wishes her well, “We all are lost on this journey to find the one, and even if parents interfere at times, we must keep our heads up. After all what is a wrecking ball without something to be wrecked?”