Mumbai. Ahead of International Yoga Day this Sunday, news correspondent from Faking News was given a call by self proclaimed business analyst, movie critique, director and last and unfortunately not the least, actor, Kamal R Khan.
When asked why he chose Faking News as the medium the actor stated, “Faking News is the perfect ‘plateform’ for me to drop the invite, as every other ‘2 rupees person’ uses Twitter and Facebook these days, and every other buddha is invited on shows like ‘The NewsHour’.. Not me, I am as exclusive as that “Leonadro de Capri” guy.
Faking News correspondent Ajmal Kabab was sent straight to Mr. Khan’s home ‘Jannat’. Although reluctant, he agreed when we made the chotu the tea distributer, who lisps, and replaces M with J, tell Ajmal that he infact will be visiting ‘Mannat’. Below is the transcript of the conversation(discretion is advised ; minors are advised not to read further as sleaziness can be contagious).
******BEGINNING OF TRANSCRIPT******
AK : Good afternoon Mr Khan, from the whole Faking News team, thank you for reaching out to us.
KRK : Whatever… Love to fans, kick to Oli for Stabbing Jon Snow, kiss to Gracy Singh for being the only actress who had agreed to work with me.
AK : Mr. Khan, we are told that you have some plans for the International Yoga Day coming this Sunday. Would you mind shedding some light on it?
KRK : If you insist. Look, I got tired after analysing and reviewing such bad movies like Tanu Weds Manu Returns & Dil Dhadakne do, directors these days do not know how to make artistic and complex films, such as Deshdrohi. Now I want to take a break and calm my nerves so that I can focus on Deshdrohi 2. And yoga day will be the perfect way for that.
AK : So what are you plans for the day?
KRK : On the contrary. Everyone does Yoga in the morning, It is too mainstream. I am going to throw a Yoga Party. I’m inviting Deepika, Katrina, Priyanka, Anushka; if she can keep that useless boyfriend of hers away..what’s his name? Kohli, yes…Such an abusive fellow, Sala C***iya gali bohot deta hain… anyway, who else, yes.. Sunny Leone too, but only if she agrees to my previous demands and tweets ‘I’m sorry KRK Janu’..
AK : What are your end goals for this…event?
KRK : No end goals. I just want these lonely actresses to have some fun with this sexy launda of Bollywood while trying to be healthy. Have you seen any of them lately? Every one’s a** is getting bigger than Sonakshi’s forehead..this is not right.. I admit I’m above their leagues, but this doesn’t mean they should stop working on themselves!
AK : Any particular Asanas these actresses should look forward to?!
KRK : I have yet to talk to my Spiritual Guru, Shri Asaram Bapu for the dhyaan sessions. For yoga I myself am going to create some sessions. I am planning to achieve 69 new positions, no more, no less.
AK : Why 69, in particular?
KRK : (GRINS SLEAZIER THAN SHAKTI KAPOOR)
AK : Oh..
KRK : Here…let me show you one of the ‘asana’ I’ve been working on. I call it the ‘Dhanushwa ma Balma’. You bend your legs and..
AK : No, Thank You! I am sure I have heard and seen all that I need. Thank you for reaching out.
******END OF TRANSCRIPT******
Meanwhile, our correspondent Ajmal Kabab, after submitting the transcript and the recording of the interview at the Faking News office, rushed straight to hospital, thereafter confirming he got herpes just by having this conversation with Mr KRK.