Monday, 22nd January, 2018

Indian television all set to start a cheap copy of Game of Thrones

30, Mar 2015 By brendan9

Westeros: The Indian adaptation of the hit HBO television series Game of Thrones, slated to be produced by Balaji Telefilms and Sony Entertainment, will feature loads of sex, gratuitous nudity and decapitations (along with limb-severing), our reported was told by an anonymous source.

Ekta Kapoor, who will also direct the series, allegedly told her team that it was pointless to recreate the show without having the ingredients that made it what it was.

Speaking about the plot of the Indian version, Ekta Kapoor says, “We are in talks with Aamir Khan Productions to acquire the film rights of Lagaan. We are also in talks with owners of the rights of Bhagat Singh, Mangal Pandey and Gandhi. We will be building our plot around all these movies. And, we have sex. That shit sells like hotcakes anywhere, so yeah!”

Sakshi Tanwar, bahu of the highest order-the ideal Indian wife-reason mothers-in-law hate their daughters-in-law, says, “I’m so excited to be playing the ‘Mother of Dragons’ character. My husband gets killed, I get an army and just for Indian audiences, I get to stab my mother-in-law with a Dothraki blade.” Asked about the question of nudity, she says, “I’m tired of being the goody –two-shoes of Indian television. People will see me in a whole new avatar now.”

Although the cast has been hush-hush, here is the grapevine about the possible cast of the show:

Game of Thrones
Coming soon at a television near you in Hindi

Sakshi Tanwar to play Daenerys ‘Mother of Dragons’ Targaryen

Sherlyn Chopra to play Mellisandre, the naked priestess

Rajpal Yadav to play the role of Tyrion Lannister

Salman Khan to play (the bodyguard) Jaime Lannister

Alia Bhatt to play to play Arya Stark

Darshil Safari to play King Joffrey

Sonakshi Sinha to play Brienne of Tarth

Mallika Sherawat to play Margery Tyrell

The great Khali to play Sandor (the Hound) Clegane

Rakhi Sawant to play Shae

ACP Pradyuman (because nobody knows his real name) to play Tywin Lannister

The Central Board of Film Certification has warned that excessive violence in the series will not be tolerated and extremely violent scenes like the execution of Ned Stark (because he is so nice) would be deleted. But, scenes like the forced marriage of Sansa Stark and the constant slave trade would be promoted because it is part of Indian culture.

The CBFC spokesperson says, “Game of Thrones has received international acclaim and so obviously an Indian copy has to be made. We are glad that the responsibility has been taken up by the very talented Ekta Kapoor. We are sure she will keep our guidelines in mind while making the show. We will be sending her a list of all the swearwords she can’t use and a memo on how to promote Indian culture. Although we regret to say that the show will be issued an Adult certificate, it will air on Sony, so everyone can watch it anyway.”

It is believed by a majority of television analysts in the nation that CID will no longer be aired after this show makes its debut. ACP Pradyuman will not be able to give dates to shoot both shows and hence will be cancelled. The cast of CID is slated to boycott the show and hold a dharna outside Sony headquarters. They say that the cancellation of their show goes against the lifetime contracts they signed with Sony for detective series.

Karan Johar has tweeted that he will cast all of them including Dr. Salhunke’s assistant in his next flick ‘Kal toh hai hi nahi’ with the hash tag #DayaJustChill.