Friday, 27th April, 2018

Happy Blahtime Week

14, Feb 2013 By Shashank Tiwary

So, yet another valentine week has come and passed! Rose day, propose day…kiss day, teddy day and umm..Sunday. Heck! I never remember things like this and it is one of the reasons I’m spending the so called romantic valentine’s week writing this drab article (but even you are busy reading this. Seriously, don’t you have better things to do in valentine’s week? I can understand. 😛 ).

Since fatties like Ram Kapoor started getting laid in Bade Ache Lagte hai and with Uday Chopra about to get married to Nargis Fakhri, everybody has been willing to try their luck. Ironically while parents are busy attending the Kumbh mela, children have been taking a dip in the Valentine’s week.

For lovers 14th Feb is Valentines Day; for singles it is Vellatime or Blahtime day; for Vidhya Balan it is Balan-tine day; for housewives it is बेलन-time day and for Shivsena it is Violence day.

Let us get to know more about the seven deadly days-

Rose Day- Roses are red, Violets are blue. I’d have to sell my kidney, to make this valentine special for you.

Roses become costlier than blood and on this day rose vendors earn more than what an engineer earns in a month. For single people rose day becomes an eye sore day.

Propose Day- Guys, who otherwise seem to be suffering from hydrophobia, take a bath after rising exceptionally early, get all dressed up and rehearse their lines in front of the mirror. Single people on the other hand have no purpose on propose day.

Chocolate Day- Make sure you bring imported chocolates otherwise get ready to listen Indian gaalis. And even if the day says choco-late, you better be way before time.

Teddy Day- What would a girl like the best? Someone who’d listen to her without interrupting her, never answer back and could be punched whenever she feels like. No guy has ever been able to fulfill these demands and that’s why you should gift a teddy; not because a teddy is cute but it is better than you.

Promise Day- Ironically while boys fake promises that they’ll be with her forever, girls think of ways to get rid of the guy.

Kiss Day- Google has been trying to teach us ‘how to kiss’ before everything else but poor chap doesn’t know that we are so forever alone. People who wear braces should not indulge in passionate lip kissing. Don’t be inspired by Mika and try to kiss a girl forcefully; chances are that you can get kicked in the balls.

Hug Day- The extremely romantic day becomes disastrous when someone wishes you in hindi(हॅपी हग डे). Couples celebrate this day in each other’s arms while single guys search the internet for Ayesha Takia and Sania Mirza.

Valentines Day- For single people this is the desperation day and they wish they had some kind of invisibility cloak. The day arrives and you realize all the jokes you’ve been making on committed people are on you. I have mid sems on 14 th; if not that way, my college ensures that I get screwed this way. Shivsena and Bajrang dal prepare for their moments of glory.

Just a little advice for the couples: Remember it’s I Love You. Make sure you don’t end up making it I, Love, and You!

For single people-

If you are single, make sure you have a delicious meal on 14th because getting deprived of food and sex on the same day can hurt. A lot. And the fact that most of the restaurants have reservations for two on this day makes your task even harder.

You could watch porn or play counter strike and console yourself that you won’t be alone next year. That does not mean you’d get a teddy for the next year.

Or you could enjoy being single, be as awesome as Barney Stinson and read this even more awesome blog-post. 😛

Love is such a wonderful feeling and to experience it you don’t need someone else. You can fall in love with anything that touches your heart and makes you happy. Fall in love with an activity rather than with a person because chances are that the former will never deceive you. 🙂