Monday, 23rd October, 2017

An exclusive interview with Pahlaj Nihalani

25, Feb 2017 By Kaustav Nayak

Controversy broke out for the sixty ninth time under Pahalaj Nihalani’s regime as the chief of the censor board when the CBFC (The Central Board of Film Certification) refused to give certification to the movie ‘Lipstick Under My Burkha’. The reasons cited included the movie being ‘lady oriented’ and ‘contentious sexual scenes’ (sic). Other reasons for not certifying the said movie included ‘abusive words’, ‘audio pornography’ and ‘a bit sensitive touch about one particular section of society’. We at Faking News got in touch with Mr. Nihalani for an exclusive interview. Excerpts below.

FAKING NEWS JOURNALIST: Sir, why exactly has the CBFC refused to certify ‘Lipstick Under My Burkha’?

PN: It is a lady oriented movie. We do not release such movies in our country. Even when released lady oriented movies turn out to be flops. So we are actually saving the movie’s producer from commercial losses.

Indian culture doesn't permit to show the lips. So, mum your lips like this
“Indian culture doesn’t permit to show the lips. So, mum your lips like this”.

FN: Uhm, okay..! But what about movies like Queen, Tanu Weds Manu, NH10, Neerja and many others being hit despite being ‘lady oriented’?

PN: FAKE NEWS! NEXT!!

FN: The media, Bollwyood stars and many leading intellectuals have slammed the censor board for this decision. The movie has won many accolades internationally as well.

PN: Listen, I do not care what others have to say about it. Moonlight also is nominated for some award. Ballon d’Or I guess. No, no wait, yes, Oscar. Yes that one. So what? Do you think we will allow that film to release as it is? Do you know what that film shows? It shows two flowers meeting between two men. Shame!

FN: Two flowers meeting? You mean, sex?

PN: Don’t say that, don’t say that word.

FN: Alright sir, but before we go, one final question. As the head of the censor board what do you think about the future of Indian cinema?

PN: The future is very bright. I will do whatever I can to protect Indian cinema from moral depravity. I will protect our culture at any cost. *starts humming*  Main to tanduri murgi hoon yaar, Gatkale saiyan alcohol se, this, this is our culture. Such a great movie, such great item numbers. Till my last breath I will protect this. And not allow sensible lady oriented boring character studies infiltrate our wonderful movie culture. Actresses are supposed to dance, not explore their you know what fantasies.