In a commendable move by the central government, PM Modi has announced a relief package of Rs.5000 crore for the 5 crore men who were victims of domestic abuse by their wives’ inexorable longing of the long running Pavitra Rishta, a daily soap opera on Zee TV, playing since ancient times with a total of more than 1424 episodes.
The move, as usual was questioned by the self-proclaimed opposition party in Indian Parliament, Congress. “What about the victims of Qubool Hai?“, Digvijay Singh questioned if there was an RSS hand behind it and if BJP is playing a communal card here too.
When asked how Rs.1000 per victim could compensate for the loss and tragedy that ran for more than 5 years, Ravi Shankar Prasad said, “At least those poor guys can subscribe to FTV for 5 years and hence it would more than compensate the loss.”
Relief work in Ekta-hit areas of India continued on Monday at a brisk pace amid expectations that essential mindset would be restored in a major way by the end of this week. “It will take some time to counter this large-scale destruction of mental tranquility” He added.
The devastating Ektacopic storm caused massive losses to lives and property according to experts analyzing the matter. “There are certain households where everybody used to watch this show except for 1 or 2 in their family. We are particularly interested in these victims who have gone from being paranoid, to intellectually dormant, to total psychopaths”, said Dimagi Gupta, a psychiatrist.
“Areyyy, whenever I used to come back home from a tiring day job, I usually found myself in bigger mess with my wife forcing me to watch the ‘fawking’ soap with her, since she wanted me to learn family values from it.” Said Anup Agarwal, an IT employee in TCS. “Can you imagine the torture? I hated Ekta Kapoor so much for it, although I compensated it with her ‘wardrobe malfunction’ pictures while at work the next day at office.” He explained how he succeeded in not going psychotic otherwise.
There was an atmosphere of celebrations at a local Pool club where members were seen with glasses of imported scotch in their hands, cheering up in a jubilant mood. “Finally got rid of a show that was reason of my divorce”, sighed Harish, a visibly loner watching a 9-ball game from a distance.
On asked how could have a show caused his divorce, he said, “Look, since my wife loved that idiot Rithvik with an ever-open-hanging mouth, I tried to follow his footsteps to win her heart. I even tried to dance, keep my mouth open all the time like him and talk like him. In return I was badly beaten up by my friends at office. And since my wife was following the footsteps of Purvi, she left me for some rich-ass guy.” Our reporter had to run for cover when Harish was beaten up again when someone overheard him saying the bad-words like Rithvik and Purvi.
While the Men’s section was celebrating, the Ekta Kapoor fans (which mostly consists of women, no matter what profession) were seen crying in agony. “Please don’t stop this eye-opening, family values inducing, morals augmenting show”, said a 38 year old bank receptionist. “Its really a Pavitra-ta generating show even if couples swapped their wives or went polyamorous for a while. Trust me, you will know if you watched it”, challenged another crying woman.
In a totally unrelated incident, Ankita Lokhande was seen applying for roles in other production houses.