This is how screamed the soul of an Indian guy who was offered the choice between Kick and Hate Story 2 when he had gone to celebrate his most awaited weekend. Now, I totally understand the sentiment of his nerdish brain which had devoured itself in the pages of R D Sharma, H C Verma, M L Khanna and their similitude when his body was transiting teenage.
This guy slogged, submerged himself into books, and even sacrificed the stripping video of Poonam Pandey, without complaining, in a hope that one day the word ‘holiday’ will really make sense in his life, ofcourse more than Akshay Kumar’s Holiday.
But fate had something else in store for him when the ticket collector at multiplex only gave him a choice between Hate Story 2 and Kick and he couldn’t help but blatantly cry at his tragedy in front of the queue that was longer than the forehead of Sonakshi Sinha.
But what the heck ‘he cannot even cry his hearts out’, Bhai jingoists are just waiting for him to speak a word against their Bhai and he would be targeted with real kicks for sacrilege of their God. You see, India is a religious nation. Cinema is the second most widely followed religion after cricket and people fanatically follow their Gods here. Speak a word against their God and you will be apprehended for blasphemy and everyone knows, on the basis of supremacy Salman Khan is ranked 10 in Indian Gods (of course Sachin Tendulkar occupies the top position here).
But why is our guy allergic to Kick and Hate Story 2. According to the leading researcher, Mr R Windcrazy Wall from Lovely Professional University, who probably spends his surplus time watching Transformers; ‘quality’ has lost from the movies of Bollywood.
He further goes on to say that it was last seen in the critical reviews by Taran Adarsh of upcoming movies but then somebody stole his laptop as reported in Faking News.You see the content and quality of the movies is also not situation here. Actually our guy was forced fed the laws of Newton, ever since he was a kid.
Furthermore he also spent a year and half in the Bansal Coaching classes of Kota where his teachers specialized in some unique therapeutic techniques that ensured that the laws of Newton are instilled in your DNA so that your offspring doesn’t have to learn it. So, when the daredevil stars of bollywood betray every principle of physics, chemistry and common sense to make their ardent followers howl in the theatres, our guy experiences a great conflict his soul.
And as far as Hate Story 2 is concerned he retorts “oh common, I knew Sunny Leonne before Ekta Kapoor, before her own husband, even before Shakti Kapoor, now you like to believe that I would spend 1000 bucks just to watch a Punjabi damsel in bikini. Give me a break. I will better buy a 3G connection.”
Though I don’t know how long our guy will take to recover from trauma but I don’t want to stop you from watching ‘Kick’ or ‘Hate Story 2’ if you already have plans for it. And don’t hesitate in calling me names if I offended you with this article, you see I cannot hear you.