Thursday, 22nd June, 2017

Trolls, from Amazon: Regarding the Big Billion Dollar Day

08, Oct 2014 By sidekick

In a surprise turn of events, Amazon has written an open letter to Flipkart demanding ‘credit’ for the troll on the big billion day whilst explaining the elaborate scheme of events comprising of hacking,hoarding and humiliating.

Dear Flipkart,

The day before would have been a big day for you; it still is albeit for a different reason. We know you worked very hard on the sale, but trust us when we say we worked harder on the troll. At Amazon, it is just the way we are-we troll! Troll is “real” only when combined with mockery and ridicule. Your mail reeking of self-detest in lieu of our exaltation has left us extremely bitter. Hence it is imperative that we explain our contribution in what we at Amazon call “The Big Billion Dollar Day Troll”

Mountain View

Domain Name: Like all good things it started with a catchy domain name-thebigbillionday.com. It reminded us that before you set out to shatter a million dreams and deploy lakhs of man-hours from thousands of employees for your big billion, the least you can do is get the domain-name right, lest you be trolled.

Website Issues: Amazon server sales guy had this to say,” We were just sitting there doing our business as usual, when this guy from Flipkart called for 5000 servers. I was like,’Can you buy from us, us Amazon?’. He was like,’I dont care man, I just want Sachin and Binny off my back. I haven’t seen my wife in a week’. I really wish I could keep the trust but our servers developed a mysterious snag mysteriously. Too bad they had to make cry faces and apologize. Totally worth it!………………,not?”

Out-of-stock issues: To rob the website blind, we sent highly-experienced IRCTC veterans to the server site, where they had direct and exclusive access to your website :). All discounted products were bought out, and shipped to our warehouses. We later sold the same products on Amazon at a slightly higher price. A masterstroke, if I may say so myself!

Looking forward to more such offers from you in the near future 🙂

Sole Gainer of The Big Billion Dollar Day Sale, Amazon-The Big Billion Dollar Day Sale Troller

PS: Next time you want to make a billion you may want to sell yourself out, we’d gladly pay!