Wednesday, 21st March, 2018

To save on training costs, Investment Banks to hire zombies directly instead of human beings

20, Jan 2014 By Vaibhav Anand

Reports coming in from IIM campuses across the country suggest that several Investment Banks have decided to stop hiring from B-Schools and instead, are shifting their hiring focus to graveyards.

Investment Bankers.
Investment Bankers.

This is reportedly because most B-Schoolers tended to become zombies after working 100 hour weeks at I-Banks anyway and the firms wanted to save time and training cost on the “zombification learning curve.”

“From ten I-Banks coming for placements last year, we now just have two coming,” Pankaj Chauhan, the placement convenor at IIM-A said. “And even the ones that are coming are behaving strangely.”

Even the few I-Banks that did come to B-school campuses for placement tried to recruit people who were already zombie-like in their behavior and bearing.

“I went into the interview and they asked me to impersonate a zombie, walk listlessly from one end of the room to the other and growl lazily at them,” Deepak Chaurasia, an IIM-B student who had applied for one of the I-Banks said. “They were really impressed when I tried to bite one of their old looking senior partners.”

“This is my dream company and leave alone impersonating a zombie, I am willing to have relations with a male camel to get through,” Mr. Chaurasia added pensively. “I really hope I get through.”