Tuesday, 12th December, 2017

Sensex to hit one trillion by next ice age

23, Jun 2014 By koula

Brokerage firm Jhamoora has the financial markets abuzz with their latest report on Indian economy. The brokerage firm expects the Indian benchmark index, Sensex to touch 1 trillion mark by the next ice age.

Speaking to Faking news, Mr. Bejaan Batliwala sounded very optimistic of the future economic scenario.

“The macro and the micro economic scenario looks robust for the balance sheet of the previous balance sheet of the last balance sheet of the last fiscal deficit. We are 95.432321524% sure that the economic stimulus and the new economic policies will start to have positive Modi effect soon.”

However Mr Batliwala refused to divulge the secret formula that led to this statistic. “All I can say right now is that we used a derivative of the sine wave and multiplied it with the Modi wave.”

BJP was quick to claim the credit for the boom in the economy. “Acche din aa gaye hai,” said a leading RSS spokesperson.

Faking news caught up with major political personalities for their views and here is what they had to say about it.

SMRITI IRANI: It clearly establishes the presence of universal MODI CONSTANT. Modi jee should be nominated for a Nobel in physics.

DIGVIJAY SINGH: The report says nothing about how the minorities will survive the ice age. Its communal and divisive.

RAGA : (Grin)

ARNAB GOSWAMI: Why is ISRO quiet on this ? What is the govt doing to counter the ice age ? Ladies and Gentleman…India wants to know. When is the ice age coming ?

L K ADVANI: Opinion chahiye ? Kiska ? mera ? sacchiiiii….

In midst of all the euphoria, Faking news tracked the army of analysts who produced the report and what if found was totally shocking.

The team lead revealed that all they were trying to do was write a post for faking news in the hope that it will get published. “I added all the zeros that I got in my appraisal to the report. I have no idea how the report made it to the board meeting,” he added.

Another analyst on the condition of anonymity revealed that all they do in the board meeting is discuss Game of Thrones and try to predict the next episode.

On being asked about the consequences of this goof up the team said, “By next ice age everyone alive today will be dead. Who will be there to ask any questions. Nobody would know we had made a forecast, so it doesn’t matter. Hopefully we will get a non zero appraisal now.”