Friday, 27th April, 2018

Retailers demand more days in a year after 365 days fall short for discounts

22, Jul 2014 By fakebond

IRA (Indian Retail Association) has come up with a rather strange demand during this year’s World Economic Forum (WEF) summit in Davos. They have requested G8 & BRICS nations to take the initiative to increase the number of days in a calendar year after they have run out of days (but not the discounts) to give discounts to their customers.

Hurry up!!!

Leading the charge in this initiative, India has seen an explosion of retail consumption in both offline and online formats.

During ancient (read a decade) times, customers waited all year to take part in annual shopping festivals in which local and international brands offered discounts on their products but now the situation is quite the opposite. After exhausting all the days giving discounts on one pretext or the other (April Fool’s Day Discounts, Delayed Monsoon Discounts, No Discount Day Discounts to name a few), they want more days in a year. Retailers apart from the above, also have the following demands:

  1. Minimum threshold discount should be 50% on MRP. Anyone found selling higher than this would invite arrest and would come under the category of non-bailable offense.
  2. All leading fashion labels and designers like Coco, Jimmy, Tommy, Giorgio, Manish etc should sell their designer wear on Mantra and OMX offering 80% discounts.
  3. Boeing and Airbus should offer 50% discounts on their Airplanes sold to India.
  4. US should give heavy discounts on all guns sold to India.
  5. China should not give Happy Hours discount to Pakistan on all the  Nukes and one plus one (BOGO) offer to North Korea.
  6. All retailers to be banned for life if they refuse to give discounts. Sedition act to be slapped against them for threatening & challenging the grey cells of the customers.
  7. Maggi should offer 50% discount and should now cook in 1 minute. This would surely be music to half of the world’s population.
  8. ‘Right to Ask Discounts’ should be added as a seventh fundamental right under the Constitution of India. This right can’t be revoked even under emergency.
  9. International border problems should be solved by countries giving land discounts to one another.
  10. Terrorists should give life discounts to its victims thereby promoting peace and harmony.

Indian govt has given a thumbs up to such a novel proposal. One of their union ministers and a regular TV panelist echoed “Discounted Din Aane Waale Hain” and even demanded resignation of the PM before realizing that he is part of the govt.

Meanwhile, regular attendee of Parliament and the ever young political scion ‘Rohan Sandhi’ has demanded discount on total mandatory attendance in Parliament before closing his eyes for dreaming a perfect and discounted India.

Former CM when asked the 49’th time demanded a discount on the no of times he can be sent to Tihar Jail and also 50% discount on his rented accommodation in New Delhi.

When an IRA representative was asked how much discount they would give to their above listed ten demands, he beat a hasty retreat.