Monday, 23rd October, 2017

Poonam Pandey to strip for NRI/OCI Indian CEO's

08, Feb 2014 By fakemediahouse

Team Poonam Pandey, CEO Mr. Chiku Chorey, informed the packed media at Taj today that they have changed their strategy looking at the current market trends.

Their main personality brand Poonam Pandey will now strip for NRI/OCI India CEO’s like Satya Nadella. Poonam will strip if Microsoft revenues grow by 30% over 2014 – 2015.Team Poonam Pandey said that the market looked ripe for more Indian CEOs and that their firm could ride this wave of Indian CEOs being appointed. Mr. Chiku Chorey believed that this would launch their brands globally and in key western markets like the U.S. and U.K. Mr. Chiku, previously worked for McKinsey as an engagement manager before joining Team Poonam Pandey. Mr. Chiku said that this transformation was necessary for brand Poonam Pandey to reach its zenith.

almost there!
almost there!

However critics argue that the team’s earlier strategy of stripping for Indian cricket team and Sharukh Khan failed miserably when both their fortunes dipped over the past few years. This damaged Poonam Pandey brand immensely. The way the Indian team and Sharukh’s movies were performing, Poonam Pandey would end up in a burkha, let alone stripping. Also with cricket and films creating very few heroes, her chances of stripping reduced further.

Mr. Chiku further elaborated that their team was indeed thinking big and would rechristen their company name to Team Strip and Poonam Pandey would be their lead personality brand. They were planning to acquire more brands like Rakhi Sawant, Mallika Sherawat, so that they could increase their presence in the NRI/OCI CEO market. He also elaborated that they planned to go public with their IPO. Mr Bitwaa Singh, VP finance of Team Poonam Pandey, said that they already had offers from multiple investors to invest in their fledging business. He said that more details will be disclosed in the coming weeks. As per the grapevine, one of the leading Bollywood star who owns a bungalow in Bandra is keen to invest in this firm. So is another ‘rent a quote’ bollywood director.

Meanwhile, this transformation has kicked off a political debate. Anna Hazare has called for strict regulations calling this as a stripper personality branding business and has requested for a Jan Lokpal. Arvind Kejriwal has decided to dedicate a day of his weekly protest fasts to protest Mr. Chiku’s idea of making a business of cheap publicity. Raj Thackeray has warned Mr. Chiku Chorey that maharashtrians should be preferred for these roles. Mr. Chiku, who himself is a Marathi has promised Raj that they will look into his request. However Mayawati is keen that dalits are granted reservation too.

Team Poonam Pandey have responded saying that is under consideration too. Rahul Gandhi is said to be keen to have dinner at Poonam Pandey’s house, after eating with the dalits in the U.P. Rahul has said that this is aligned to his goal of women empowerment, something that his uncle’s dog and watchman’s donkey dreamt about. Mulayam has decided to give Poonam Pandey a SP ticket in the U.P. In all this political chaos, there are rumours that Team Poonam Pandey might actually launch a political party called SKAP – ‘Strippers for Khas-Aadmi’ Party.

That’s it from the Fake Media House now. More authentic reports later on.