Saturday, 21st October, 2017

Patanjali's Cow Banks milching cash

12, Jul 2017 By alien4dec

Gujarat: Indians are crazy about bars and gold bars but now a new demand has shot up with the investments in Cow through Patanjali’s Cow Bank. Boston Consulting Group’s Cash Cows are history whereas Patanjali’s Cow Banks are creating new history.It is taking a record breaking level with even Muslim investors who were reticent to use Piggy banks are now investing in Cow banks.

Patanjali is aggressively marketing these banks via several social and religious events. Gold has proved itself time and again to be the perfect hedge for inflation but since the launch of cow bank, cow is the new gold mine in terms of liquidity, compared to all other investments.

Patanjali's new venture!
Patanjali’s new venture!

Addressing a press conference, Baba Ramdev elucidated, “Depending on the term of contract, an individual can earn upto 24% tax free annual returns per cows. The business model is such that, these cows are fed nutritious fodders and the balance milk post sale to consumers and dairies are distributed amongst underprivileged kids as a part of CSR activity.Cow dung are sold to farmers as manure and the cows are also leased at a very minimal cost to penurious farmers. Patanjali’s Cow Bank board and staff have indepth expertise on animal husbandry management to offer diversity of breeds for investments.

‘Gir’ is famous amongst Hindus whereas ‘Red Sindhi’ and ‘Sahiwal’ is prevalent in Muslim communities. NRI’s mostly invest on ‘Karan Swiss’ breed which is a cocktail of Indian and International breed. Our purified cow urine is a hot selling merchandise, since daily drinking fresh cow urine helps cure all diseases – including cancer as per Ayurveda”.

In another breaking news early this morning, Narendra Modi announced 100% FDI in Cow Banks inviting foreign cows and currencies. Modi also revealed his plan to make India as the White Revolution of the world and rechristened Gujarat as ‘Gaurastra’ since it plays a vital role in fulfilling the demand of milk and dairy products to the world and also serve as a source of employment.

Well cow doesn’t know its called cow by humans, while humans have already started dividing its breed on the basis of religion. Its not far when the next world war shall be fought over religion of animals, birds and flowers.