In what could be one of the biggest heart- breaking stories of the year, United Breweries Group of India today announced the cancellation of the annual Kingfisher Calendar shoot for the year 2014.
“We are all distraught and grief- stricken at the moment”, said Bablu Badmaash, the chai- wala at the UB Group headquarters in Bangalore. “We all knew that the Group was on a cost- cutting spree when Mr. Mallya offered me a job as the chief- spokesperson but this has come as a shock. We request you to respect our privacy in this painful time”, he continued.
The employees being constantly reminded of their due monthly salaries due to the calendar has been cited as a reason behind the indefinite stalling of the highly prestigious shoot. An insider, who didn’t wish to be named, claimed that the decision had been a topic of consideration for quite some time at the various Board meetings. “The average bill of the samosas had tripled over the past two months along with the duration of the meetings, we could all see it coming”, he revealed, slowly embracing the old copies of the previous shoots, wiping a tear off his left eye.
Vijay Mallya, the Chairman of the UB Group was spotted in a jovial mood at the Mumbai airport last night en route to Ibiza for his annual New Year bash. “We’re taking just a break from the monotonous shoot and this decision shouldn’t be perceived as a symptom of disaster”, he said, dressed in a white three-piece suit to complement his mane before being escorted to his private jet, leaving the media persons in fits of laughter.
Sunny Sachdeva, who won the Kingfisher Model Hunt 2013 was furious after hearing the news. “I will take Mr. Mallya to court for this. Sid (not the one from Wake Up Sid, we’re assuming) had promised me the January slot. He can’t back out like this”, the former Miss Patiala was quoted saying. Mrs. Sachdeva aka Mummyji had to be made unavailable due to the explicit nature of her comments.
Atul Kasbekar, the official photographer of has been spotted at various self- help group meetings after the decision has been made public. Speculation is rife that he’ll be now switching to birthday and wedding photography to bring some stability into his career. The banks of Mithi river in Mumbai was scheduled to be the location for the next shoot.
A back clash is expected from the students of various engineering colleges across the country who are rumored to boycott the alcohol manufactured by the UB Group. With the results season just around the corner, this won’t be good news for the company’s balance registers.
Meanwhile, Poonam Pandey, one of the finest finds of the Kingfisher calendar among other talented Bollywood actresses like Yana Gupta and Lisa Haydon has promised to strip down to bare minimum to celebrate the return of the calendar, if and when it happens.