Monday, 20th November, 2017

Intel sues Comcast citing hiatus in job application

23, Apr 2015 By harryarchere

Folsom, CA: When Velmurugan Dinakarpandi, a hiring manager at Intel Corporation, sat down on his desk on a Monday morning with an iPhone 6 in one hand and a Starbucks Caramel Flan Latte on the other, he got the shock of a lifetime which shook his body down to the last coccyges nerve. Shivkumar Patel, a recent graduate from the Electrical Engineering department at the University of Texas at Dallas, who had been applying for multiple positions at Intel everyday for the past 6 months had suddenly stopped applying.

Intel's Job Application Form
Intel’s Job Application Form

Said Mr. Dinakarpandi on this issue, “Everyday, when I get to the office in the morning and sit down in front of my Macbook Air with Retina Display, I start my day off by rejecting Mr. Patel’s application. It gives off a very healthy start to my day. But when I came in on Monday morning, I did not see any new application from Mr. Patel for any position. At first I thought It was a system malfunction, that perhaps the servers needed refreshing. But it turned out that every system was working fine and there really was no job application from Mr. Patel. I knew that the issue had to be escalated to the next level and immediately assembled a team meeting to discuss the bizarre event.”.

When our reporters caught up to Mr. Patel at his 1 BHK residence in downtown Dallas, the 23 year old engineer had this to say: “I have been applying to Intel for a long time. I apply to Intel every night after eating Dal Rice with mixed pickle but our Comcast provided internet router stopped working on Friday night and we had no access to the internet for two days before we finally decided to share our mobile internet.”. Mr. Patel who lives with his 7 roommates Mithun, Rakhi, T Rajendran, Govinda, Mika, Alia and Balakrishnan had his hands tied and was helpless in the application progress.

After finding out that the reason behind this sudden absenteeism was the Comcast outage, Intel decided to sue Comcast. “We rely on Mr. Patel’s application for a healthy start of the day. Without rejecting one of his applications, we just do not feel that our day is complete. Our HR Interns were distraught at the sudden lack of application to reject and were going to take extreme actions such as quit the company to join a boy band. The mental effect this has had on our employees has prompted us to take legal actions against Comcast for being the root of the problem.” said Mr. Dinakarpandi.

Reminisced Mr. Dinakarpandi, “I remember the first day I rejected Mr. Patel’s application. To type the words – Our representatives completed their assessments of all potential applicants, and, unfortunately, you were not selected to interview for this position was pure bliss. We had even arranged an On Site for Mr. Patel just so we could reject him in person. But we should have foreseen this and made contingency plans for such an emergency”. Comcast Representatives were unavailable for comment but inside sources revealed that even Comcast employees were shocked at this incident. Fellow companies such as Texas Instruments, Nvidia and AMD offered their sympathies to the tech giant and hoped for the nightmarish calamity to pass away.