Monday, 23rd October, 2017

I-AM-Big4 employees get a corporate lesson in professional attire

16, Jun 2015 By razzmattazzz

After reaching the zenith of employee engagement, I-AM-Big4 has embarked on a new initiative to scale even bigger heights on that front. Superintendent of Police (SP) of Corporate Dressing has mandated everyone to dress professionally, prohibiting dishevelled hair, beards, short skirts, denims, coloured clothes and even ankle length cotton ‘shorts’ from the office premises.

On enquiring regarding the expected attire, SP explained that “In order to enhance our professional image so that we can demand higher per hour rate, we want our employees to turn black and blue, hmmm, wear black trousers and blue shirts, I mean.”

The audit/tax/consulting organization has hired a senior professional Mrs. Aayaji, who has been assigned a gargantuan responsibility of combing hair, trimming nails and polishing shoes of all employees as soon as they swipe-in their cards at the entrance.

A few employees who tried to beat the system by changing their hair-styles/folding their skirts up in the office lavatories, or by wearing risqué lingerie underneath, were caught unaware by the hi-tech CCTVs specially installed to curb such nefarious activities. While the first timers were let-off easy and had to complete their day-job standing outside their cubicles, the repeat offenders/bad characters (BCs) had to put in 20 hours of community service helping out Mrs. Aayaji.

As per our source Mr. Grapevine (name changed for anonymity), the dress-code initiative is a measure by SP to sabotage all designers, who wreaked havoc on her own latest office-wear by creating “unworthy, non-exposing, conservative, colourless, ill-silhouetted, shapeless gown-like long skirts, and this move will help me not look passé when among the common employees.”

Some others shared a different opinion. We heard them talking in not so hushed voices that SP had finally embarked on her life-long start-up dream by starting a new line of corporate-wear and this dress-code initiative is surrogate advertisement to push her latest clothing line.

An inconsolable Ms. Desirable (name not changed as she desires publicity), who is right out of the not-so-premium college and has joined I-AM-Big4, says that this is a “career undermining” initiative.

She had just ordered a “full-truck-load of body hugging florescent tank tops, digitally printed slim fit-jeans, formal pencil skirts, full sleeve see-through shirts, pencil heels, 1 tummy tucker underwear and 1 push-up bra” as a part of her daily office wear, structuring the deal as a “Leveraged Buy-Out after factoring in the future cash flows” that will flow in as a part of her new job.

She opines that “The dress-code will not only have severe financial repercussions in the short-term, but also in the long-term as I will not be able to ‘demonstrate’ full potential at work-place.”

A dejected Mr. Chhichhora (name not changed to sabotage career), offers an insightful scientific contrarian opinion that “such stringent dress-code will lead to lower testosterone and oestrogen levels, impacting health thereby lowering office attendance among the young office demography and ultimately lowering employee morale”.

But SP contradicts through a pertinent argument that “young demography forms only a minuscule portion of our employee base. We have made sure that even those who look young, are loaded with so much work that their hormones vanish right after first week of induction.”

Whether I-AM-Big4 will have its own coloured revolution like the middle-east is yet to be seen, but for now its employees have no option but to embrace/wear the diktat.