Friday, 20th April, 2018

Drunken banker fired for asking boss for more work

10, Jul 2014 By Tanuj Khosla

In a development that has sent multiple shockwaves among bankers, Goldie Garg, a banker with a global bank, fondly called as ‘Moon’ by his colleagues due to his shiny tart, and ‘Spoon’ by his boss for acting like a chamcha, has been fired for asking for more work.

Faking News sent its team to take stock of this bizarre incident.

Don't you dare do that again.
Don’t you dare do that again.

“I played a very critical role in the bank’s operations,” sobbed a distraught Goldie. “The same involved filling in forms on behalf of clients, chasing lazy people in other departments for MIS to which I added value by combining them into one and spoiling every morning of the HR head’s secretary if they failed to replace an employee who quit recently etc. Such was my impact on the bank that its stock price nosedived by ten percent when I went on sick leave last month.”

“The only thing I didn’t like about my job was the long working hours starting from 10 am in the morning and going up until 4 pm on most days. But I found a way around it by going home with my Blackberry and saying that I shall be ‘working from home’. I am one of only ten people out of a staff of forty thousand who have nothing to do with banking but are still known as ‘bankers’. It took me seven years to discover that NPL stand for Non-Performing Loans and not Nigeria Premier League!!!”

“But my life came to a grinding halt yesterday. I can barely hold my alcohol. However in order to keep up with my wife who drinks like a fish, I had one Bacardi Breezer too many and got sloshed. In that drunken stupor I ended up calling my boss and asked him to give me some ‘real work’ and not just keep me in his team for being his 4 pm beer buddy. That infuriated him no end and next day in the morning I had my termination notice on my desk.”

Faking News caught up with Tanuj Khosla, its in-house expert on such subjects. “The incident is indeed unfortunate,” said Tanuj while dipping his garlic bread in strawberry yogurt. “Playing such a crucial role in an organization without doing any meaningful work is indeed quite a rare ability. I think Goldie shall not have difficulty in finding another job with such a unique skill set. However I sincerely advise him to stick to jalzeera the next time he goes drinking with anybody.”