Friday, 24th March, 2017

Cyrus Mistry gets a job offer from Baba Ramdev to be Patanjali chairman

28, Oct 2016 By natasha

New Delhi/ Mumbai. After being ousted as the chairman of Tata Sons, Cyrus Mistry gets a job offer from the unlikeliest of places, Baba Ramdev. Baba Ramdev wants Cyrus Mistry to head Patanjali and make it reach heights even Tata could not reach. He points out a few ways being the chairman of Patanjali is better than being the chairman of Tata Sons. He assures Cyrus Mistry of no interference, unlike the Tatas. He also promises to not crack any Mistry-mystery jokes.

"Gotcha get you, Cyrus!"
“Gotcha get you, Cyrus!”

Baba Ramdev wants Patanjali to start an airlines under the guidance of Cyrus Mistry, Patanjali Ayurvedic airlines, in which all the passengers will do yoga for the duration of the flight. He wants to start a hotel chain to compete with Taj, in which all guests will be taught Pranayam and will be served only Satvic food. He also wants to start a steel manufacturing business, which will use ancient Ayurvedic practices to manufacture tougher steel than Tata steel. There are also talks of a cellphone manufacturing plant, to make radiation free phones. Patanjali will also venture into the clothing and food processing industries.

Not only that, Baba Ramdev is going to take Patanjali to universal heights, not just international ones. He plans to start Patanjali space exploration program, with Patanjali rockets and satellites. Ever since he’s heard the news of aliens possibly contacting earth, Baba Ramdev has decided to start a new range of products specifically for aliens. If the aliens are hostile, he will manufacture large quantities of Rakesh Roshan’s Om Om Om computer to scare the aliens away. To accomplish all these new business ventures, he wants Cyrus Mistry to head Patanjali.

Market gurus believe this announcement will cause Tata shares to dip further. Faking News couldn’t get a comment from Cyrus Mistry’s team, but we did get one from Patanjali. “We hope to make Patanjali bigger than Tata in the next 20 years. Who can accomplish this better than Tata’s ex-chairman? We hope Cyrus Mistry will accept our offer,” said a representative from Patanjali.

If Mistry accepts this offer, we may see a Patanjali luxury car, called “Bengal Tiger”, overtake Jaguar in sales.