Bengaluru: In a development that is largely expected to go viral among bored techies, Champak Codewala, a software engineer at Outfosys falsely updated his Facebook status about quitting his job and launching a startup. The post got a record 119 ‘Likes’ which is being considered a miracle since Champak has only 49 friends on Facebook and 7 in real life.
Faking News sent its top reporter Khabri Laal to get further information on the development. Said an excited Champak, “I got this idea after seeing the new ‘Pitchers’ series by The Viral Fever (TVF). Before the Facebook post, I was a merely known as Cubicle No 34 among fellow coders, ‘Ravindra Jadeja of Python’ among testers and ‘Bhaiya’ among girls on Tinder. But since then I have been inundated with ‘friend requests’ not only from good looking girls including ones whose relationship status says ‘In a relationship’ but also from dudes like Kamaal R. Khan. My life has changed completely. A couple of venture capital firms have even called me to offer funding. I suddenly feel like a hockey ball that chased by everybody.”
When reminded that his newly found popularity could disappear soon when people discover that he is not going to start a company, he was quick to respond, “I am not so stupid. I have already thought of a business idea now. I am going to build a website that shall let people order beedi and sutta online. The tapriwala opposite our office put less sugar in my cutting chai the other day. I am going to put him out business.”
Faking News reached out to Mr. Goli Kumar, HR Head at Outfosys for his take on the situation. Said a clearly disturbed Goli, “In the years gone by I used to catch our coders secretly reading CAT preparation books in their cubicles. We discouraged the practice by declaring compulsory attendance in office on the day of CAT exam even if was on a Sunday. However in the past one year I have only caught them reading Steve Job’s biography. Everybody wants to launch a startup these days thanks to the insane valuations that Flipkart, Snapdeal & Olacabs have got. A coder I know is designing an app that shall calculate how much urine a person shall give out for each litre of different liquids that he consumes. Another is working on a website that shall enable people to take vaccinations online. Yet another one is starting a company that shall provide car pooling services for short distances like neighbor’s house or even from one’s bedroom to the toilet.”
“We are doing all we can to prevent our employees from quitting and launching startups,” he further continued. “This includes buying all possible domain names on Godaddy.com and hacking their LinkedIn accounts so that they can’t update their new title of an entrepreneur. Personally I am not worried about Champak. He can’t even start a scooter, what company will he start? But I do hope that others don’t follow his example and start real companies. It is a shame that Champak has caused us so much headache considering the generous raise of Rs. 22 per annum we gave him when we poached him from a competitor last year.”
Faking News reached out to its in-house expert Tanuj Khosla for his comments on the issue. “Champak has indeed set a dangerous precedent, ” said Tanuj while dipping his banana in pudina (mint) chutney. “If everybody decides to start a company then who will work for those companies? My own maid was about to launch an app that allows her to keep a tab on the stuff in my fridge. She even got angel-funding offers from Lion Capital and Hardbank. But then I asked her why she wants to go through all the pain to keep an eye on six bananas and one bottle of Kingfisher beer. So she gave up. But not everybody is as bright as her. I foresee a tsumani of startups based on this little post by Champak.”