Tuesday, 21st November, 2017

B-Schools to profile students into animals to help corporates find the right animal for the job

27, Aug 2013 By chantanand

A move which could be a paradigm shift in the Indian higher education industry, premier B-Schools have innovatively (again!) via a 69 member board committee announced to profile their students basis “Animal Personas”.

Announcement detailed that B-School students will no longer be marketed to corporate on lies about their work experience or projects undertaken but by the real beast hidden inside just like the Roadies.

The move is allegedly aimed at helping corporate find the right animal person for the right position.

Upon asking the B-School authorities about the rationale behind this inhuman move:

“Transparency is the theme of the hour. Barring our placement reports, we are constantly striving toward it in every other sphere. Since there is no denying that most students get treated like an animal in their jobs, why not support them in figuring out exactly which.”

HR managers deliberating on the right animal candidate for the job.
HR managers deliberating on the right animal candidate for the job.

Animal personas will be tactfully identified after continuous monitoring their Social media updates/Love affairs/Cigarette preferences/Wardrobe malfunctions/Pub priorities during their stint at the institute.

Preliminary tests by the institute have resulted in following Samples:

1. Owls Students whose eyes often carried more Red-ness than blood in their bodies. They usually sleep following US time zones probably adapting themselves before they move to US 20 years from today.

Profile Fit -> Creative Director – Advertising, IT Services

2. Sheep Students who always followed others, stayed in a group & never really changed the game since they did not even know what the game is all about, really.

Profile Fit -> Client Servicing

3. Stray Dogs Students who hardly attended lectures and were always found in posh tea joints surrounding the institute. They never really diverged too far though, mostly stayed within the locality circumference.

Profile Fit -> Area Sales Manager, Market Survey

The project is still in its preliminary stage staring few challenges:

1. Students personas are changing over time. Especially guys who had showcased traits of a lion initially, found their true love in the first semester and went on to resemble a puppy.

2. Multiple personas are depicted by few students. For ex – cuteness in many girls could be a “Cat” or a “Bitch” and we cant afford to get that wrong, its about their future.

Faking News correspondent Ms. Titli reached out to some of the student’s parents and they had an unanimous apprehensions toward the move:

“We appreciate the transparency but our kids are not used to it. We have always kept them in the dark until there was no way to get out. It was done for school, college, all family functions and we were going to use the same for their marriage. Thus, i am not sure how they will adapt to this sudden exposure to enlightenment”