Sunday, 20th August, 2017

B-school student gives a farewell speech inspired from Little Master

20, Nov 2013 By iamgreat

According to the latest news, a top B School student has given the most heart touching and surreal speech ever during his farewell. After watching Sachin Tendulkar’s grand farewell and endless publicity, it inspired a B-school student to take up the stage and take out all his emotions during his farewell speech.

Ranjit claims that in 2 years of his studies at IIPM, he has truly mastered the technique of plagiarism without getting caught, a rare feat in today’s time when extremely powerful paid algorithms are being used to catch student’s hard work of copying assignments. Ranjit holds a record of plagiarizing 122 domestic reports and around 34 international reports.

In fact, one of his report on Microfinance in Indian subcontinent was selected by Clinton Foundation and received a grant of 5000 USD. This report has been used by a record of 59 students without getting caught.

Ranjit has been a pioneer in learning management jargons like “Trade off”, “Strategic decision making”, “Glocal” et al. Apart from this, Ranjit also holds the record of most number of class bunks, least economy rate in team work, most number of out standing hours and has recently made a record of giving the most number of interviews before getting selected for Sahakari Nagrik Cooperative Bank as an Assistant Manager.

During his farewell speech, Ranjit got really emotional. Our correspondent has managed to get some excerpts:

Speech
That’s where all the words were taken in

“Friends please settle down, I just had a two pegs of whiskey and it’s effect will subside in no time. It’s hard to believe that this never ending journey of plagiarizing assignments and giving proxies for friends is finally coming to an end. I have a list of few people to thank.”

“Firstly, my father. When most of the banks denied to give me an education loan considering my weak education background, my father came to my rescue. I have always been a sunk cost for him. Thanks daddy, for that money. By the way I never went for any tuitions, nor did I buy a single book. Your money was spent of beer and Goa trips.” He also winked at his father and the crowd applauded and cheered loudly.

“I would also like to thank my sister and Jiju who got me an internship in a multinational company with their contacts. Though it was unpaid, I learnt a great deal out of it, like making my own coffee and V look up commands on Excel.

Ankit, what do I tell you about him? My elder brother who made way for me to join a B school and joined my father in farming, our ancestral business. He always loved to play with cow dung and all. We still speak about my research papers over the phone. I was just discussing with him the other day that how exactly I intend to make a difference to the bottom of the pyramid in India by writing research papers that are more inclined towards sustainable growth, social inclusion and impact investing.

I would also like to thank my professors, who have always given me important questions before one day of the exams, but never the exact question paper because they said it would make me extremely complacent. Sir, you can push your luck and share the exam papers of our juniors so that I can sell them and make a quick buck of it.” Ranjit chuckled and the crowd started whistling.

“Thanks to all my team mates for putting up with me and believing all my excuses for not working for team assignments. They have been supporting enough to write my name at the end of every assignment while I was busy teaching Finance subjects to Marketing girls. That’s how I also have the world record of  being ‘Friendzoned by most number of girls’.

I will be failing in my duty if I don’t thank producers of Naughty America, given the number of heart breaks I had, they have always kept me fit and fine. They have come to my rescue at odd hours, after all they were just a click away.

The media has also backed me a lot by continuously saying that ‘Job markets are good’, it has definitely hiked my hopes by multiple times. Media has played its part by regularly announcing highest packages and conveniently skipping the lowest packages. This has helped in keeping the faith in B-schools afloat.

I know my speech has become too long now, but it is the most quintessential quality of a MBA graduate to stretch things as much as possible, I wonder how am I pulling off a speech with a PowerPoint presentation.”

Ranjit’s parents and professors were in tears after listening to his farewell speech. The dean of the college on other end was smirking all the time during Ranjit’s speech because this is what he hears almost every year. Ranjit’s new father (his boss) was also seen in the hall, he had a devilish smile on his face.

On being asked ‘What will you do once you retire from the college’, Ranjit candidly replied, “First day I would like to make a cup of hand beaten coffee for my boss and then get on the business of doing what all my colleagues do, ass licking.”