Thursday, 23rd November, 2017

Apple to enter kidney transplant market

16, Sep 2017 By Gaurav Jamdar

Apple CEO, Tim Crook, after the successful launch of the Apple X, 8 and 8S handsets, has boldly made a move to a territory, no other mobile phone company has gone before.

In front of a select group of investors, each brandishing a genetically personalized iPhone XY (soon to be released in select black markets all over the world) Crook said that given the huge gap between the price of the phones and money available with the general public, Apple has noticed a tremendous increase in kidney sales in developing markets like China and India.

As they are also top markets for iPhone sales, Apple will be setting up Kidney Operation Centres and Kiosks (COCKS). These COCKs will be set up in various parts of these countries to tap into potential revenues and will be the first step towards buying a KidneyFone- the new iPhone.i-kidney_091114051315

Apple’s SIKLY initiative, (Sell-a-Kidney-Love-Yourself – SIKLY) provides standardized, hygienic and hassle-free kidney extraction to all iPhone despos. One simply needs to go to a COCK and get their free kidney diagnosis report to pre-order their iPhone KidneyFone . Based on the report they can avail huge discounts on the purchase of their phone.

Crook said that it was also part of their CSR initiatives to provide ethical kidney’s in markets where the demand-supply gap is massive and will have the backing of various Governments for setting up of these state-of-the-art COCKS.

Asked about the price differential between the sale of one kidney and the latest iPhone models, Crook also said that Apple is committed to investing heavily into medical R&D so that in future, other body parts could be utilized effectively and the user would have to pay a bare minimum for future exorbitantly based iPhones.

Apple is also launching a unique app on the iStore called i-Kid-U-Not which comes pre-installed with KidneyFones, which will track the deterioration of the user body parts (sold) and keep users up-to-date on their horribly painful impending death.

Before signing off to the wildly cheering investors, Crook said Apple only makes premium products and the KidneyFone is an attribute towards the premium one has to pay on one’s life to buy it.