Sunday, 17th December, 2017

After Onion prices, public complains about record rise in SENSEX

04, Nov 2013 By Mishtik Journo

False hopes.

Already suffering from high prices of Onions, people in India have now started to blame the UPA government for record levels of Sensex. From investors to traders, all have a story to tell:

“Even 100 shares of Buzzlon – the company I invested in cannot buy Onions for a month and this Sensex is going to new highs with news anchors dancing on TV”, commented Rajesh Gupta from Delhi who has seen his portfolio getting eroded by 70% in last 5 years

“When I buy, the index falls like nine pins and when I short sell, it starts to go up like there is no tomorrow” a Nifty trader turned beggar who sits on Dalal Street and claims to be President of Aam Aadmi Forum for Aggrieved Traders (AAFAT) rued with tears flowing.

It is reliably learnt by Faking News that the government is releasing a new Bharat Nirman ad this Diwali showcasing the rise in Sensex to demonstrate prosperity among the people at large. The ad is going to feature Rahulji explaining nuances of online trading to a poor woman sitting on a cot in her jhuggi near Sonepat.

Meanwhile, BJP’s spokesman Ravi Shanar Prasad has blamed the UPA government and alleged that the Congress was hand in gloves with the operators to artificially jack up the Sensex just before the elections at the  center and in states.

Rakesh Jhunjhunwala an ace investor and a regular on business channels has, in the meantime, been hired by a leading sports TV channel to turn part time expert commentator for Cricket matches after he successfully explained, with convincing arguments, both the meteoric fall and astronomical rise in the Sensex six times each in last 12 months.

Desperate for an answer, to find out where Sensex is headed to by next Diwali, Bharat Kumar a disgruntled trader asked for directions on Google Maps by first feeding the current date and it responded with an answer of ‘current value 21200’. He then fed the date of next Diwali and the answer he got was surprisingly 21200 again. When he queried for the distance traveled by the sensex between the two Diwalis, he got an answer ‘42400 points’.

When queried about the most efficient mode of travel on the Sensex route, Google Maps responded, “Stay where you are. Do nothing”