Thursday, 23rd November, 2017

After acquiring Nokia, Microsoft announces new features for upcoming Windows version WiNk

16, Sep 2013 By Shaitaan Khopdi ™

Redomd, WA, US: These days when boundaries between a PC and phone are getting blurred, Microsoft has pulled out an ace from his sleeves. By acquiring Nokia, MS has tried to bring the best of both the worlds into its latest OS named WiNk (Windows+Nokia).

Our star reporter Shaitaan Khopdi™ finally travelled onsite (after threatening to quit Faking News and join TOI) to report from MS headquarters in Redmond. Here are the new features MS is planning to put in ‘MS WiNk’.

Play snake while IE loads– Snake has been the most famous mobile game ever. Even the Temple Run and Angry Birds don’t come close. So we have decided to include a Snake game in next windows release. When users wait for Internet Explorer to open or load a page, a plugin will initiate the snake game. Our research shows that IE takes 2 minutes to open and load Google Bing homepage. Snake game will easily keep users busy for 2 minutes and they will not bang their heads in frustration as they used to do earlier.

WiNk-OS
The green screen of death

No blue screen in new windows – No, don’t get us wrong. Windows will continue to hang abruptly as it used to do in earlier versions because we are yet to trace the developer who introduced this bug in Windows. So we smartly decided to turn this bug into feature. Blue screen of Death will be replaced by florescent green screen which was hallmark of Nokia phones. Those days, sending teddies in sms was quite a rage. Girls would fall for those guys who will send them teddy in text messages. Those teddies were the ‘cute puppy videos’ of today. So we will replace the blue screen and the ugly looking error message with florescent green background and cute teddy shapes. It will hurt less when you lose all your data because of system crash. Any way these days’ people use Gmail as their backup so no one will worry.

Search Engine Bing will use Nokia Torch phone- Our so called Next big thing ‘Bing Search Engine’ has performed like Rahul Gandhi so far. All hype, no performance. To strengthen Bing’s search capability, we will integrate Nokia Torch phone with it. Torch Phone was extensively used for searching slippers, specs, keys and other objects in various parts of rural India (except Gujarat, where power is available for 24 hour: Source Twitter). Our social engineering expert predict that this one single innovation can be the game changer since it touches Aam Admi.