NEWSWIRE

New Delhi: In preparation for a high stakes election in the year 2014, the government announced a slew of reforms. In addition, if elected again, they promiseg to fulfill all unfulfilled promises of the last two terms. The general response of the people was “LOL” though some said “Rofl” instead.

UPA has promised to end social inequality within 100 days and a committee has been formed, headed by Suresh Kalmadi.  Instead of developing under-developed areas, roads, electricity cables, railway lines etc…, will be demolished in developed regions of the country. A sum of 6000 crores has been set aside to purchase 300 hammers from China. Shri Hafeez Sayeed Sahib has offered his services as a consultant based on considerable expertise in related fields.

FITJEE training students for competitive exams in the new format

Ministry of foreign affairs has been notified to take strict action against China and Pakistan to prevent further Incursions. They will now practice stern facial expressions and stop using words like “please” and “kindly” in their e-mails.

The Ministry of education will ensure that all Indian Universities reach high standards set by institutes like IIPM. A new system of admissions will be followed, one that does provides equal opportunity to all sections of the society.  Students will be ranked based on an annual lemon and spoon race. Those belonging to minority classes will be given a pea in place of a lemon.

Congress leader, Digvijay Singh, proudly declared that by 2014, words like scams and corruption will not even exist in UPA’s dictionary. To accomplish this, UPA will release a new dictionary titled Merriam-Webster-Rajiv Gandhi dictionary which will not have those words. Following criticism that the UPA is neither United nor Progressive, certain words will have a different meaning in the new dictionary.

Progress (noun)- A state of dynamic equilibrium where cash is transferred from the State Bank accounts of the aam aadmi to the Swiss Bank accounts of the politicians
Alliance (noun)- a bond or connection between individuals brought about using protection from the CBI and promise of a stake in future scams
Liberal (Adjective)- one who denounces Narendra Modi
Secular (Adjective)- the act of keeping all communities equally backward
Youth (noun)- The time of life when one is younger than Rahul Gandhi

On the other hand, the aam aadmi wonders to see how “justice” will be defined in the new dictionary.

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Politics


One Response to “UPA unleashes a new set of reforms; aam aadmi says “LOL””

  1. lol@ the dictionary, awesome

    Reply

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